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Pay attention!

Yes you, John. And Emma! Put that marker on the desk where I can see it!

Now, Crimes Against Music is a crap college band formed in summer 97 when Alan, Phil and Jeremy were drunk. They went to a room in the college halls and started to play.

They experimented with unusual tunings (all guitar strings to F#), unconventional song structure (falling asleep in the middle) and eclectic instruments (a CD rack and a wooden box).The 'music' was recorded using a pair of cheap earphones onto spare casettes, and unfortunately, much of it survivies today.

In just one night they wrote and recorded five songs, drank an entire litre of gin and got bollocked by security, who heard them from the other side of the gardens.

They had started as the meant to carry on Then one of the founding members - Phil - realised the true horror of what he had created and emigrated to Antarctica for three years.

The band grew rapidly as more and more members of the climbing club they belonged to, the S&G Outdoor club, obeyed the old maxim "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em". The most notable recruit was Fred, who can almost play a guitar properly.

The aim of the band became to produce some music to torment the distant Phil. Before they knew it, they had a whole album's worth of stuff. The Least Worst of CAM album was duly cut and sent on the long journey to Antarctica.

However, the band members knew about the deadly properties of the record and realised that a global mental meltdown was possible. They decided to get out and let the situation cool down for a while, so under the guise of a mountaineering expedition, they made a break for the remote Kingdom of Nepal.

When the situation cooled down they returned to torment the world anew. A rapid series of recording sessions began. Firstly a weeking in a Suffolk Cottage (Jeremy's) produced a lot of country-rock ambient progressive (CRAP) tracks, then our first jaunt to a 'real' studio with real drums resulted in - not a lot. We were rapidly learning the old rule -- the difficulty in recording rises with the cube of the number of band members present.

Futher periods in the College newspaper office, Union practice room, mountaineering stores, Norfolk holiday cottage and finally a really nice studio called MC1 provided enough material to fill the upcoming new album FKNACD2.

Still reading? Why? This stuff's as dull as dishwater. Why don't you turn off the computer and do something else instead?