Discography

FKNACD3

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1 Jet Station (Jolly remix)
A hard frantic happening remix of our indie classic, completely resampled and (almost) unrecognisable. All hail Jolly.
(Computer mastery: Steve Jolly, guitar samples: Alan, vocals: Andy Vine & Jon Trout)

2 Easygoer
The funky new Beck-ish summer single irrelevantly recorded in a flat in Old Harlow, Essex.
(Words & music: Fred Maquet & CAM, vocals: Fred Maquet, Alan & Andy Vine, acoustic guitar: Fred Maquet & Steve Jolly, bass: Tom Padgham, drums: Steve Jolly)

3 Leonids
A somewhat whimsical acoustic number expounding on the problems affecting rural communities in Britain.
(Words & music: Alan; vocals: Alan & Jon Trout; piano: Jeremy Thomson, acoustic: Anal, bass: Tom Padgham; percussion & 'cello, production, auto-tuning software: Stiff Holly)

4 Pork Pie Got Me High
A wonderful MIDI foray into the adventures of Alan and an over-sized Melton Mowbray.
(Words & music: Alan, rhythm guitar: Alan, vocals: Alan, Jeremy Thomson & CAM, virtual bass, drums & cello and production: Jeremy Thomson, mobile phone: Andy Vine, belching: Steve Jolly)

5 Summer on the Sun
Steve is entirely to blame for this old-school comic song.
(Steve Jolly everything except vocals, with additional CAM vocals and guitar Alan)

6 Toilet rôle
Get it the right way around!
(Words & music: Alan, Steve Jolly, Andy Vine, vocals: Alan, Fred Maquet and Andy Vine, guitars: Alan and Fred Maquet, production: Steve Jolly)

7 Intermission
(Bass: Alan Wibbly noise: Steve Jolly and Zoom box )

8 Winaxed
A storming hard-house tune based on an inspired act of destruction and created by our latest affiliate member, DJ Grenola.
(Sample: CAM, music: DJ Grenola)

9 The Continuing Adventures of Norton Virus Checker^TM Part III: Norton Virus Checker^TM Causes an Audio Dropout
Stupidly long title, stupidly short song.
(Guitar and vocals: Alan, audio dropout: Norton Virus Checker.)

10 The Story of Phil (updated version)
Upbeat tune about the trials and tribulations of one of our friends, who went off to live in Antarctica for three years.
(Words & music: Alan, computer misery: Alan, vocals: CAM, additional production: Steve Jolly)

11 Low 'n' Slow
Trying to imitate Barry White is a long hard struggle (u-huh-huh you said long and hard) but we made it in the end (end) and this should go down (go down) well with the soul fans, just like a firm slippery [cut]
(Vocals: Andy Vine, guitar: Alan, drum & bass: Jeremy Thomson, e-strings: Stef Jollie, production: Jeremy Thomson & Sith Jommy)

12 Zion
A classic melodic reggae number from el mariachi Fred Maquet.
(Words & music: Fred Maquet, vocals: Fred Maquet, Jeremy Thomson, Nathile Maquet & Jon Trout, piano: Sieve Dolly, acoustic: Alan, bass: Tom Padgham, shaker: Jeremy Thomson, rhythm & production: Esteve Joillet)

13 Tea song
Listen, and you will know.
(Words and music: Alan, vocals: Alan, guitar: Alan and Jeremy Thomson, bass: Tom Padgham, keyboards: Steev July, production: Stief Tscholly )

14 Slighly Superior Excuse Blues
Jon Trout's blues debut featuring John Peel and a bolt of lightning.
(Words & music: Jon Trout, vocals: Jon Trout, rhythm guitar: Jon Trout, bass: Tom Padgham, piano: Steve Jolly, production: Steevj Olly, heavy breathing: Darth Vader & CAM)

15 Intentionally left blank
For your own notes

16 Death of CAM
Epic biopic end of an era dirge featuring mourning the passing of the world's worst band (?).
(Words & music: Alan, vocals: Alan, Andy Vine and CAM, acoustic guitar: Alan, Fred Maquet, keyboards and percussion: Stefan Jollio, production: Stove Jiffy)

FKNACD2

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1 The Jet Station
A rattle-along one-riff summer laid-back ditty.
(5:37 Words and music: Alan, lead guitar: Alan, rhythm guitar: Jon Trout, vocals: Alan, Jeremy Thomson & Jon Trout, drums: casio)

2 Nice One

3 One Woman Mountain
A simple indie dirge with some retro Ultravox-style percussion
(Words & music: Alan. Guitar: Alan, vocals: Alan, bass: Jeremy Thomson, drums: Tom Padgham)

4 The Slug Song
A cheery melody with a chilling message -- the silent menace of the EVIL WELSH SLUG. Coming soon: Welsh version.
(Words & music: Alan. Guitar: Alan, vocals: Alan, bass: Jeremy Thomson, drums: Tom Padgham)

5 Under the Bridge
Yes, it's a suitably awful unplanned rendition of that Chile's song. So lock us up.
(Words & music: Red Hot Chile Peppers, guitar: Fred Maquet, vocals: CAM)

6 Slits
Alan reveals hidden sexual tension in this angsty indie whine. And a sore layrinx.
(Words & music: Alan. Guitar: Alan, vocals: Alan, drums: Jeremy Thomson, bass: Tom Padgham)

7 Trouser-thieving Scouse Bastard
Another one we'll probably get sued for... unless we can prove it of course
(Words & Music: Jon Trout and Ali Campbell, guitar & vocals: Jon Trout)

8 Warden Earl
A rude, nasty and probably libelous punk song. Still, it's less than a minute long.
(0:51 Words and music: Ali Campbell and Jon Trout, lead guitar: Alan, bass: Jon Trout, vocals: CAM)

9 Giant slugs are following Tom

10 I Hate Old People
Well, don't you? Especially stinking penny-pinching miserable old landladies
(Words & Music: Fred Maquet, guitar: Fred Maquet, vocals: Fred Maquet, drums: Jeremy Thomson, bass: Alan?)

11 Fill in kill in
Another not entirely-planned boogie sounding a little like Stereolab until someone presses the fill-in button on the Casio and it all falls apart.
(Keyboards: Alan, bass:, Jeremy Thomson, drums: Casio)

12 Antoine is bellyman

13 Sofa
Alan's spontanious song idea that wasn't
(Everything: Alan)

14 Nettles
A fine acoustic ditty from Alan
(2:29 Words and music: Alan, vocals: Alan, acoustic guitar: Alan)

15 Particle Man
An abysmal attempt at a favourite from the gods on earth, They Might Be Giants. Now remastered by Steve to make it almost passible. Almost almost.
(Words & Music: They Might Be Giants, guitar: Fred Maquet, accordian: Jeremy Thomson, vocals: CAM)

16 Story of Isaac
Oh cheer up, it's only a myth...
(Words & Music: Leonard Cohen, guitar: Jon Trout, vocals: Chris Hodge)

17 O La Jamaica
A beautiful little song revealing the band's soulful yearning to visit our fatherland.
(Words & music: Fred Maquet. rhythm guitar: Fred Maquet, vocals: Fred Maquet, bass: Tom Padgham)

18 Tom loses his head

19 Redemption Song
The world's most powerful black protest song sung in an upper class accent? Priceless.
(Words & Music: Bob Marley, guitar: Jeremy Thomson, vocals: Chris Hodge & Jeremy Thomson)

20 Antoine is a Rastaman
More from the white-reggae master Fred
(Words & Music: Fred Maquet, guitar: Fred Maquet, vocals: Fred Maquet, drums: Jeremy Thomson, bass: Tom Padgham)

21 Have you got an ambigulator?

22 Don't Take Ecstacy
The only song to be recorded at the Waterloo studio without being interupted by a Eurostar going across the roof.
(Words & music: Mindless Drug Hoover, guitar: Jeremy Thomson, vocals: CAM)

23 Busy Man
A chirpy Brit-Pop number about -- well it's about another one of our associates of course, and none too complementary at that.
(Words & music: Fred Maquet. rhythm guitar: Fred Maquet, vocals: Fred Maquet and Alan, acoustic guitar: Jeremy Thomson, bass: Tom Padgham)

24 Where is Alan?
Another fine soul-ragga track from Fred
(Everything: Fred Maquet, except bass: Tom Padgham, acoustic: Alan)

25 Woolly Woolly Sheep
A silly song that Alan picked up from somewhere about a bloke who really really like his sheep...
(2:28 Words and music: ? Guitar: Alan, Vocals: The S&G Outdoor Club)

26 Smelly
Err... well, strange.
(Everything: Alan)

FKNACD1

The Least Worst of CAM

Sold out, thank god

The first full album, this included a selection of all songs recorded up to autumn 98 together with various clips of people talking rubbish (not in bold). Track listing:

1 Crimes Against Music (theme)
(1:36 Words & Music: CAM, performed by: CAM)

2 Random (0:06)

3 The Demonstrator
(3:33 Words & Music: Alan, guitar: Alan & Fred Maquet, bass, Andy Vine, vocals: CAM and the S&G Outdoor Club)

4 Choad (0:20)

5 Colonel Wickey
(3:22 Words: CAM Music: The Pink Floyd, guitar: Alan, vocals: CAM and the S&G Outdoor Club)

6 Connected (0:12)

7 Get Back
(2:12 Words & Music: The Beatles, guitar: Alan & Fred Maquet, vocals: CAM and the S&G Outdoor Club)

8 Driving (0:49)

9 The Jam
(5:21 Words & Music: CAM)

10 Alan's Psycadelic Midnight Snack
(2:35 Samples: Alan, music: Jeremy Thomson)

11 Red Shift (0:12)

12 Indian Summer Blues
(Words & Music: Alan, Jeremy Thomson and Phil Wickens)

13 Alan X is Very Queer
(0:28 Words: Tom Padgham, music: traditional, vocals: CAM and the S&G Outdoor Club))

14 Ivor Delafield (remastered)
A folk ditty with a rude chorus forms probably the most political of our songs; abuse of authority and misuse of power when abseling at Kentish sandstone crags and hiring out mountaineering huts. Bastard.
(3:06 Words and music: Alan & Jeremy Thomson, guitar: Alan, vocals: Alan, Jeremy Thomson & CAM)

15 Harmonicas (0:06)

16 Underground
Nonsense rock monstrosity about the nightmare of the London Underground with a great Deep Purple-esque chorus. Listen out for excessive use of whammy-bar and mis-timed cymbals
(Words and music: Alan, lead guitar: Fred Maquet, rhythm guitar: Alan, vocals: CAM, hi-hat: Jeremy Thomson, crash: Antoine Jeanson)

17 The Scree Song
(0:42 Words & Music: CAM)

18 Song 2
(2:20 Words & Music: Blur, guitar: Fred Maquet, vocals: CAM and the S&G Outdoor Club )

19 £8.50 (0:06)

20 Browneye Chris
A song about a civil servent friend and his naked antics. If this sounds like Tracy Jacks then we're doing something right.
(2:33 Words and music: Alan, guitar: Alan, vocals: Alan and Jeremy Thomson)

21 The Gnome
(2:28 Words: CAM Music: The Pink Floyd, performed by: Alan, Jeremy Thomson and Phil Wickens)

22 Smoke Ganja Get High
(2:49 Words:Fred Maquet, music: Bob Marley, guitar: Fred Maquet, vocals: CAM)

23 Crimes Against Music (theme)
(1:58 Words & Music: CAM, performed by: CAM)

24 Emergency Gamalan ('secret' track)
(11:38 Music: Alan, Jeremy Thomson and Phil Wickens)

FKNAMC2

The Indian Summer EP

Deleted

Recorded summer 97 at the Southside Hall Studio by Alan, Phil and Jeremy. All tracks created and recorded simultaniously.

Track listing:

1 Indian Summer Blues
(Words & Music: Alan, Jeremy Thomson and Phil Wickens)

2 Indiansomnia
(Words & Music: Alan, Jeremy Thomson and Phil Wickens)

3 The Gnome
(Words & Music: The Pink Floyd, performed by: Alan, Jeremy Thomson and Phil Wickens)

4 Emergency Gamalan
(Music: Alan, Jeremy Thomson and Phil Wickens)

Although this EP was never re-released after the first batch of 1 copy, tracks 1, 3 and 4 can be heard on FKNACD1, The Least Worst of CAM.

FKNAMC1

Ivor Delafield

Destroyed

This, the first CAM recording, is lost in the fuzzy depths of history. Contained only:

• Ivor Delafield
(3:06 Words & Music: CAM)

which was subsequently re-recorded and released on 'The Least Worst of CAM'